Back on Track

Should finish on the 25th. May ride out the month, or hit up to 125-150 range and then cut out the regularity, take a step back and edit/place the poems in an order that suits me.

(81)
I am not a completely balanced individual
and I don't have a very high opinion of myself
so sure
I could write all sorts of poetry
about angsty little emotions
like wanting
to plunge my head
into my reflection
in a sink full of water
on account of saying something stupid
to a cute girl who initiated conversation.

The best thing to do
--probably--
is to just walk off
and read the end of
THE CATCHER IN THE RYE
and sulk a little.

Things'll get better
and they'll do so
without me actually writing about it.


(82)
The loner
dislikes being out of the loop
but has grown used to it,
relatively easily,
because the loner
clearly does not care all that much
for people.

The loner
only wishes
that it was always obvious
when they were keeping secrets
or telling inside jokes
because what is the most bothersome these days
is stepping on people's toes and getting on their nerves.

The loner
does not really
enjoy solitary activity
because of its inevitable uselessness
but in fact
has become afraid of interaction and all it entails
on account of the fact that the cliques appear already so close-knit and without room anywhere inside them for someone like the loner.


(83)
He doesn't support
a socialist revolution
but he does think that
we've grown to misunderstand money
and that the right government
could come in and take over
and make the world a better place.

But governments quickly become
scary dark hallways out of nightmares
full of men in black suits with gun bulges of all sorts
so he doesn't pretend to have the answer,
other than to say,
"You can't judge anything
out of context and we are all in a sense equal."

We don't need a currency.
A world that runs on something else
is not out of some fantasy novel--
in fact it's not even really skiffy,
it's design fiction
and his point is that
we can learn from it, if we try

or we can continue to be afraid of change because we lived through the Reagan eighties and because we fault a war of ideologies which helped create in this country a mindset that you should look out only for yourself, and if you cared for your neighbor you were pink or even red, and all communism was a disgusting Russian thing.

And if you take a step back
and actually realize
what you think
and how things really are
then maybe you would agree
that my worldview is at least
as justified as yours and not bound to change in something like 10 years.


(84)
So even with my praise of the egalitarian
I am still very much out for myself;
I land
in some traditional hypocrisy,
when I

refuse to move the smoothie cup
from behind someone's tires in the parking garage
or decide against
trying to help the girl
who may or may not be pulling her hair out
in response to the computer lab's stupidity.

So
if you want to
don't take a single word I said
seriously
because I don't live by example.