Wednesday, February 21, 2018


"We are only what we always were, but naked now." When does John Proctor know he will die? Proctor, an antecedent for John Tucker Must Die? And I hear today that John Wick is responsible for real murders. Inside I say, "Don't get any big ideas." I fret, I worry, I think "they're not going to happen." John lies, "you paint yourself white," and he thinks John Dies at the End. The hint of DeLillo, the return of the Lynchian refrigerator buzz, my friend saying he just deals with the cognitive dissonance, "the dude abides," yet I "fill up with noise" and feel like I must scream... John dies and goes to... Hell? The want for change. Be the Change. UC* in the world. Penny thoughts, momentary notions, liminal writing, "his gi was so thick, I couldn't get a grip on it." "Mind is thinking."

*"UC in the world" besides an obvious pun is a reference to a realization I had when my dad and I both were members at different forums with the initials UC.

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

"Everything in Its Right Place"

I'm so sick of the taste of cough drops! "Yesterday, I woke up sucking on a lemon." It's just red and yellow back and forth, back and forth, reaching in my pocket wondering which flavor it'll be... "There are two colors in my head." *cough* *cough* Hey, I didn't catch that! (Sorry, coughing!) "What, what was that you tried to say?"

I write song lyrics annotations as @pandrio on genius dot com.

Friday, January 26, 2018

"Karma Police"

"History repeats ... first as tragedy, then as farce." The thought of myths as perfection, blame all the problems on kids these days. One thought on The Lobster*: people take over karma and they muck it up. On screen, the karma police oppress the unattached; in life, they attack the whistle blower who "buzzes like a fridge." People are abused or abased, but hey, make fun of their "Hitler hairdo." Lock her up. It's always a slippery slope, because no one wants to look for safe handholds. Your support, "it's not enough," it must be unequivocal. "I've given all I can." "Then kill yourself," Obierika says. You're "still on the payroll." If only, "for a minute," if only. "How am I not myself?"

*not my idea, but a friend's!

Thursday, January 25, 2018


Detective work is essentially telling a good story. Researching your topic, finding the pieces, making them fit, keeping it all realistic. Not in the sense that catch the wrong guy (though, sure, that happens), but in the sense that other people are invariably unknowable. And though I can only truly know (and truly dislike) me, myself, and I, life happens among us. So the cops catch the criminal--he is just as known, as real, as true, as the reality show star. The crime is solved, the craving is satiated. Both are "sweet faced ones with nothing left inside," an identikit--a drawing reproduced from witness testimony--stands alongside the picture on the television, leaving us with positive thoughts: the streets are safe; boy, she's pretty! The mug shot becomes an odd liminal space where one becomes the other. (Auto-correct wants to say "imaginal" instead of "liminal." I look it up--"imaginal," relating to an image, as I'm talking about reducing a person to their picture, to what we see when we look in a face.) Ultimately, in industrial, suburban society, this is what we have: "pieces of a ragdoll mankind." The oddity of it all being that once we have that empty picture, that identikit, we know, we can't undo it. Thom says "when I see you messing me round, I don't want to know," because to know who his lover is with is to know the lack of infidelity; without a culprit, though, he need to think such thoughts. It's almost saying something about Eyes Wide Shut, where another Tom can't help but imagine his wife's infidelity, daydreaming about it constantly, and yet he saw* the man she desired, but can't remember him. There is no face, no image, no identikit. It drives him crazy to know without knowing. "I can't read it--there aren't any words on it!"

*or, yes, could have seen

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

"Waiting for Gadot" (complete)

I know clicking through a blog can be annoying, so I've stitched together all the posts that made up "Waiting for Gadot" here. I do think the best way to read the play is to read each scene/interlude and then, before moving on, reading the follow-up behind the scenes "autopsy" post where I reflect on what I've written so I've linked to these in between each scene or interlude.

100 Things to Consume Instead of "Waiting for Gadot"

Here's a list of things to read, watch, listen, or otherwise consume, rather than my play, "Waiting for Gadot." This play is the first major piece of writing I have done in years, so I didn't want to boost my ego by simply pushing my play alone--in the interim I have still been a consumer of all different forms of media, and as a fan I would like to point people in the direction of a number of these different works of art as well.

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Under "final scene"

This is the end, my only friend, the end.